I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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