ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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