She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize