At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize