she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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