She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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