oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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