I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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