How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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