i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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