Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize