1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize