How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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