He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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