just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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