Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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