I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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