ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize