The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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