Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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