Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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