I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
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New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize