how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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