you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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