marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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