be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize