Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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