If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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