Can i not drive my cunt home
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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