forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
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Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
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This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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