I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize