You're my little dorito
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
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