My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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