haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize