I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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