the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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