I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize