So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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