They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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