census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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