Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize