Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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