you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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