If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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