Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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