In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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