just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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