you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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