If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
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So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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