There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
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Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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